can i cum now?

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mea culpa, Miss Blue

Alas i did not notice that this post was due on Thursday for Your birthday.
i had thought it was Saturday and i was hoping that my shoes would come for my dance number. Your shoes arrived but mine won't be here for a week or so.

experiences of fear and how i coped

Let's start with The High Challenge. I was at a raw food convention in Eugene OR and there was a high challenge. You do have guide wires and the like but you are walking on a telephone pole atop a couple telephone poles. Just climbing up gave me the jitters. Sure I am telling myself that it is safe and relax and i can do it, but turning around to face my walk suspended in the air was really frightening. After a few deep breaths, i did manage to get across. I passed on a rope for the feet and a couple for the hands.

Sure moving from LA to the east coast could have been scary but it really wasn't as i am pretty flexible.

One day i hooked up with a couple. He was about my height but build like a boxer. His gf was nice lady. He had the most lovely nine inches of blackness. She was a blonde. So we are chatting online. I figured we would meet for coffee but She demanded that i come over. She tells me she is in class and that He would greet me and She would arrive a few hours later. I planned to cook a dinner for Them. So i arrive and He is showing me the kitchen and how i was not to look Him in the eye. He then says that everything i had was his. He takes my clothes and it dawns on me that nobody knows i am here. i figure i had better be the best slave i can be. As it turns out They were just play acting. But the thought of losing my new car to Them was a bit scary. Basically all i did was to play along and it turned out to be a fun experience. I think if at my core i wasn't so frightened i would have continued the relationship even though i did have a on-again off-again Floridian gf/mistress at that time.

Life in High School was always a fearful time. I went a school that was the KKK headquarters in the fifties and when i went there it was home to the crips and bloods. Every day there were fights at lunch time with crowds surrounding them. So one day i feel that a good sociological experiment would be to watch one fight and see what the crowds get from it. I guess i chose a black-black fight because all of a sudden this big black guy grabs me by the neck and drags me back fifteen feet. He releases me, we look at each other with nothing being said, and i walked away never to look back.

What's it like to cum

With the right person it is transcends time and space.

You always remember the first time and the time with your true love.

So the first time it seemed I was in some dark cave or tunnel. I was with a screamer and my parents were a thin wall away. My father had a grin but my mother kept asking how old she was. It was an experience aided by years of yoga and meditation.

Fourteen years ago I had the experience with my true love. Our normal times together were unbelievable but one time it was beyond that. As lovers we were very much in sync so things went pretty simple. She would suck the life out of my nipple rings. She would suck my tongue so much that it was sore the next day. As she was sucking my tongue our bodies were so perfectly matched that she was sucking my cock just as perfectly. Perhaps it helped that she had a water bed. The result was cataclysmic bliss. A very full body orgasm that touches the soul. So powerful that it opened my heart chakra and I felt bolt of energy joining our hearts. It released a powerful kundalini energy.

That orgasm was so strong that years later when I was sleeping with my Newport gf, I found myself reenacting the event nightly. It was bad enough that my body was going thru the motions with my gf lying next to me, but what was worse is that a ghost came into the room. At first we only smelled her lavender scent. The next time she was wearing high heels climbing the stairs entering our room and enveloping me as she passed through. The last time she took over my dream and demanded that I treat her as my true love or else I would never sleep with my true love again. So there I am hugging her and pounding away when a little old lady enters the room of my dream and wants me to make love to her. I push the little old lady away because I want to focus all my energy on pleasing this brown haired ghost. Don't recall what startled me but the dream was broken and my gf was pissed, "do you know what you did? You pushed me away...." My gf admitted to having seen that ghost and her daughter at another time and described her like I recalled. I had thought I was superimposing a Playboy Bunny into the dream but that does not seem to be the case.

Yes, that was a powerful orgasm.

Otherwise a cum can be as simple as oh that was nice or worse as opps though that is not common with copious amounts of oral worshiping that i do so enjoy and sometimes get mini-orgasms from.

how far will i go?

First off this picture is just unfair. Why does she get to use a urinal?

So i haven't had a release in a couple weeks. i do so want to cum and it to be a strong one. Well there's a part of me that wants to pierce my other nipple and i suppose a bellybutton pierce would be a nice femme thing to do.

i have been able to get by with a little masturbation. Now don't get Your panties in a tissle, i do this sissy walk of short steps with one foot in front of the other and add an occasional sassha with my hips. The stimulation is quite pleasing. Not that stimulating but still. Well i am on the lookout for some five inch pumps to do the walk more appropriately.

But honestly when the urge arises all i have to do is lube up and pretend that my seven inch dildo is attached to Miss Blue as She is pumping me and all is fine.

Had to get new panties

Last night when I went I got the lesson it was too late for VS and the like. So I ran to WalMart and got the closest thing i could. I wore them to work but just did not like them. So at lunch i ran to VS and was helped by a lovely sales Lady. She was more than happy to find me a light pink bikini pantie. She even turned me onto the most darling white lacy thong. Then she thought bright red lacy boyshorts would fill the quota. These are a dream. I feel so much better in them.

pretty in pink

I'm so pretty

My homebrew chastity belt

I had thoughts of using old panties but the instructions said sock so I tried and tried to use whatever socks i had lying around and it just didn't work. Yesterday i saw the old pair and since they were already stretched out, I thought i'd give it a try. One length of dark blue ribbon tied my PA and guiche that kept everything together. The sides of my thong went around and tied off. The front went over the front and was tied off by the foot long dark blue ribbon.

I like the contrasting colors and hope you do as well.

Denial - the other half of Tease

A stripper friend once said the tease is better than the real thing. The real thing can get boring but the tease is always arousing and building on the idea of getting what you want as opposed to actually getting it. I can see her point but on the other hand the sex I shared with my DC gf fifteen years ago I still remember like it was yesterday. In the sporting world it is why college football is better than pro. I'd say the same of college basketball, if it were not for The Lakers.

I do enjoy being in a constant state of arousal. It makes me get all tinglie and emotional. I do have orgasms but they are of the whole body type variety. It is these experiences which attracted me to chastity in the first place. Sure I have a strong desire to please lovely Miss Blue but it is the bondage aspects of chastity that makes me feel complete and safe and whole.

I know that not touching my cock is good for me. Anything I can do that excites any mistress is good for me. I get great pleasure reading Miss Blue's accounts of Her getting wet that it is all worth it. Lovely Miss Blue did comment She thought Her students would linger too long cleaning Her property and it was only today that I found myself doing just that. I do find myself hard a lot but without any stimulation the erection diminishes. The arousal, however is ongoing. The pace of my breathing rises. I can feel my heartbeat. But then I reach over and suck the cock or stick it up my butt and I then relax, but the arousal remains.

Yes, it's that time of the month

I went to my local drug store. I could not find tampons and the vibe was not right. I mean I was prepared. I was wearing a plug and my chastity belt for good measure. I don't know - there was a young guy at the counter. Just didn't seem right.

Went to Walmart and thought I'd give that a try. It is a huge store and well lit. I find pads pretty easily but no tampons. All this walking around and no place to sit does not do the plug much good. Out it pops. I casually find a quite area and pop it in my shorts pocket but the shorts are pretty tight so its a little revealing. (I had been stopped at an airport and they were supposed to be looking for a roll of quarters but the attendant asked about the plug instead.) I look around some more and find tampons and get a box of supers. Next I get some fruit and head to a nice, tattooed checker. She did not give it another thought. I next went into the restroom to take care of business and the plug.

Next it is off to my favorite restaurant, Hooters. It seems I am having a bit of reputation which is a good thing. Dear readers, if you are going to use the restroom and have to pee sitting down, please pay extra attention to your plug as gravity is a mess affair. Don't ask how I know such things or why I bring it up.

I am flirting enough with my waitress and dropping a few gin and tonics that I feel comfortable enough to ask to buy some merchandise. I had thrown out my previous Hooter girl costumes so I was looking for some new togs. I just love the tight little shorts. The old ones were satin but these are closer to my yoga/bike shorts or VS boyshorts. They are just so nice and tight and sexy. As luck would have it she is friends with another waitress I befriended while writing an earlier post and was a customer there. So on the bill I see a grey goose. It seems my waitress put her friend's drink on my tab, but once I found that out, I was honored to pay it and apologized for making a fuss.

I had worn the plug to loosen myself up a little in preparation for the next morning. On the drive home, I opened the box and saw how tiny the tampons are. Bigger things have made their way up there so this seems more for pleasure than anything else.

At home, I tried the shorts and what a sexy bitch it makes me.

The next morning I awaken and insert the tampon with coconut oil for lube. Not a big deal. So I take the time to take pictures. I just have to get the right pose. I probably went through fifty shots. That one has a nice look but the background needs work. I know, I will make a shrine to the cock for this new cocksucker. I will do some yoga postures to let gravity help the string. Oh, can't see the string. Must put it against the black shorts. With all these cocks, perhaps I need to suck one as well. I do so love the twenty minute suck sessions. Now a couple hours have elapsed. I suppose I should have brought my tripod. I do like the digital camera, though.

By the four hour mark, the water in my rectum started expanding the tampon which took on a rough texture. So when I pulled it out, there was a little pain, in keeping with the concept of punishment. Still what's a little pain when it is for Miss Blue's pleasure. The tingles just keep reminding me of how devoted I am to Her. In the chat when She said She likes to have her toes sucked it sent shivers up my spine. I don't know what it is about Her lovely feet. I am not a foot fetishist but they are lovely.

a chat to remember

Tonight's chat reminded me of my previous chastity training with Akasha. My name has changed perhaps for the better so She did not recognize me. It was only five months ago, but I was living in NJ at the time. I was living in a conservative area. Yes, we have a Hooter's so it isn't that squaresville (i have a friend in The Pentagon which i think is really pentagonsville) but the university and the community is pretty straight. So I get this VS task. Miss Akasha gives me a letter to hand to a VS saleslady just before V Day. I had been wearing my CB-6000 for a couple weeks straight at this time. It had been pretty painful what with the cold, freezing weather and there's something about swelling at 2am and 4am. I was new to Akasha's site - well i lurked since 99 but wasn't available. So when the spousal unit and i went our separate ways, i thought i'd give Akasha try and i had read much of the liberation of chastity. So i am given this letter to give. The unknowns were the town i am in and Akasha's imagination.

Now if it was a few years earlier when i was trying to groom a Hooter's girl to be a domme this would have been different. Let me digress a little. I was going to Hooter's for a while and this blonde beauty starts working there. She had this sweet body but mostly a strong personality. Waitresses there make extra points for selling shirts and by the end of an evening everyone bought a shirt from her. I told her with her salesman talents she should be doing something that gets her a commission. Well, one day i thought i'd explore a new realm with her so i addressed her as Miss Kristen a couple times. So she asked why i did that and i replied that i wanted to give her respect and honor or words to that effect. She thought about it and responded that i should refer to her as Princess Kristen. She brought it up in front of her cousins on Halloween and to just about everyone on too many occassions. She did it so often that i started to worry. Anyway they fired her for sleeping with the manager and getting preferential treatment. The place just wasn't the same after that. Of course the manager just gets transferred.

So back to the Akasha tale. I am given this letter i am not allowed to open or read. What am i to do? I was email dommed in the late ninteties and we did some wild things like peeing in a drive thru as you receive your order while looking at the girl in the eye. RI was pretty liberal as it turned out. Another task was to go to a VS or equiv and pick up a bra, panties, and then ask the manager for the right size of nylons. In Newport it was hard to find such a place to I went to a Banana Republic and did as above but it was closing time so I was alone with the manager who was hitting on me like you wouldn't believe. That even included when I was shopping with the gal i was living with.

But this is a famous conservative NJ college town. So to play it safe, i wanted to hand Akasha's letter to my favorite, smart Russian waitress but she was busy, so i handed it to the bartenderess who is a little bossy and a very cute blonde but i didn't have to strong a connection with. She could not put it down. She grinned and laughed so much i thought i'd never get it back. So i asked her if she thought i'd be thrown in jail for it, and she reassured me that it would be okay. A few days later i showed to the ex-Russian and she smiled and giggled as well and almost read it back to me in a sort of "is this for real" way but i stopped her.

So now it is the day of V-day morning. I walk into my local, conservative VS and finally get service. I hand her the envelope and she reads it and quickly proceeds to mechanically walk me through the store handing me a top of line bra and matching panties and then the cami. She seemed weirded out a little and wanted me out of there as quick as possible. Oh well.

I regifted the bra and panties to my NYC gf who appreciated it. She was in WTC during 911 and had to walk 90 blocks to safety but that's another story for another day (sort of like the one with the Baywatch babe i dated for ten years or meeting the son of Ike and Tina at the pool one day.

I really should have gone to NYC for the VS but the schedule interferred with my new gf. So for V-day i arrive with my CB. She wanted me out of it almost immediately. Oh, well, so much for chastity on V-day.

I relayed this story (less the NYC connection) briefly to Akasha and asked if i had permission to read the letter to find out what all the fuss was about but she did not allow me, so i shredded it and tossed it away.

I am curious, a little, what my Hooters girls thought was cute and the VS gal thought was gross. Alas that will always be a mistery since Akasha seems to not to divulge. I did see the envelope made it out west but there was only the receipt for the clothes.

I do know the letter included the chastity belt but don't know much more than that.

Speaking of which, Akasha or Miss Blue suggested as punishment She would send me to a strip club. Well the Sunday before the start of this program I did just that. I found a nice topless club and started prepping for chastity by wearing my CB-6000. I find this cute "singer in a rock band" repleat with an assortment of artsy tattoos. As she is grinding on me, i tell her of my belt and she doesn't believe me. Eventually she believes me and asks me why. So i respond with "for protection" since nothing else seemed to make any sense. Sort of a condom for strip clubs i suppose. In a way it is true. There was an Ashley who i should have sprung it on but i was pretty tapped out at that point. Perhaps this Sunday will be another story.

I also like that i don't have control over this blog. It pleases me to no end that Miss Blue controls my cock and this site. It is feels liberating but i don't know why. It is really an honor.

Miss Lillyana invited her in-law to the chat. That is pretty amazing. Is her in-law available? Boggles the mind.

I like to think i am extremely mucho macho. In my dreams, i suppose. That is if my i can ever have anything other than submissive ones.

bloody cock suckers

Never been much into cock sucking on my own accord. Sure I was date raped and did enjoy it some. Sure when i was subbing for a couple and He had the sweetest black nine incher I'd ever seen. I just sort of fluffed him up. Mostly i do it for giving pleasure.

Being pretty new to such things I just try to deep throat the dildo. I find it very stimulating. I little guy gets pretty jammed in its confines. I enjoy running my tongue along His length. Teasing His tip. my mouth feels very stretched and relaxed now.

tightie whities

I love the sense of being held tightly. The feelings of losing all control. The raising of sensitivity in my cock and balls. How my balls tingle as pressure is applied to my cock as it has no way of expanding in its confined space.

Alas, I cheated. I will gladly accept any punishment deemed worthy for this humble soul. Having just moved temporarily I found I didn't pack any dress socks. I used a warm sock and it didn't work. A white tennis sock - not so much. Why reinvent the wheel - I ask. Out came the CB-6000 I so love its tightness and feeling of control and completeness. Afterall it was coming off soon enough. Well not that soon - eleven hours?? Hey, but I still didn't play with your cock so perhaps i can get some time off for good behaviour?

what really takes my breath away

The above image always excites me beyond belief. I am afraid I forgot where I got it from, but the sweep of this lovely model's calves is beholden. The sparkle of the light reflecting off her red shoes brings my erection to full bloom. The sweetness of her toes makes my mouth water with desire to kiss them passionately. Please notice how the beauty's thighs glow in the light. Oh but how her right calf sends shivers of joy careening through my body to the point where i can scarely type.

I see that on my previous post i was to grade how hot the sites make me. Based on this model's set of images, I would say that they range in the six to nine range. The site with this model's beautiful, sweet toes tends to get higher marks.

I humbly regret not being able to give you that link because i have to take a cold shower.

Assignment Three

Masturbation links?

Well my favorite is J. Stephan Hicks' Digital Desire. The ladies are lovely. They dance well. Some masturbate. Some videos have couples. Some videos have girls playing with each other. Some have a girl getting off with a toy or two. The music is first rate. Hicks was a Penthouse photographer in the nineties.

I am a fan of shaved ladies. It doesn't get in the way when you go down on them. ALSScan provides these. The videos are of girls masturbating. No music and not as classy as Digital Desire but still they hold their own. Especially nice was video of these models who were nude except for painted on clothes and then they walked down Prague or Budapest streets. Very liberating.

Of course there's Penthouse. The photoshoots of the nineties were very creative. The most memorable was one of two ladies in a bird cage with feathers attached to a butt plug. Clearly a favorite on many levels. Another shoot was Penthouse's answer to Marie Antonette. I provided a couple pics from a lady who got her start in ALS.

Sissy Captions and three similar sites are pleasing. They take pictures and add captions. I have included an example. The enclosed pic happens to be from Madeline is Wicked which is also entertaining.

Another site of interest is Virtua Girl. Originally it was cartoons that appear on your desktop. Now they went to eastern european girls who strip. Eufrat is one of the better dancers.

My sensitive bottom

When I was dating this aggressive girl back in my college days, I found how sensitive my bottom is. We got out of the jacuzzi and were walking back when she rested her hand on my butt. Boing went my cock. She said, "oh my, sorry about that." I thought it was nothing for her to apologize for. She should be honored.

I dated a stripper for many years. Towards the end, I would dine her and she would thank me by reaching around and giving my butt a little squeeze. That was always a highlight of my visits with her.

These thoughts came back to me when I was tugging on my training thong. Never really gave it a thought. I found I was getting too excited. It just didn't seem right while I pledged my celibacy to Miss Blue.

second assignment

Always love the feel of nudity. No hair to interfere with the touch of the skin. I wanted to awake at six but found myself hard and awake at two and at four. By the time I reawoke it was 6:30. Ran a bath and shaved my legs and Miss Blue's area. Spreading coconut oil on my fresh skin always feels wonderful, blissful. Walking seductively with the slickness of the oil is quite sensual. Rocked my hips from side to side as I pranced about.

I enjoyed the masturbation with my black satin thong. The best part was knowing that what little stimulation i was getting was amplified a hundred fold by my lovely Miss Blue. It only seems right and proper.

my first assignment

Let's see, the last time i masturbated was Sunday night. I took off my CB6000 when I learned i wouldn't be using it but it was good training. I was listening to Isabella Valentine's hypnosis mp3 to get me in a nice slutty frame of mind. I also have a really cool prostate massager that I got at JT's along with two big black cocks - I really only wanted one but was having communications issues.

So i have the sounds from hypnosis tape sending me into subspace, the massager stimulating my prostate as i relax it comes out and clench it hits me deep inside. After at least a half hour of this i make a mess as cum is coming out. Next i relax from the after glow or is that after flow.

There was the time where i took one of those black cocks and worshiped it with my hands and mouth while listening to a cock worship hypnosis tape but i can't talk about that because it wasn't the last time. I do like the cock. my little thing is nothing compared to its nine inches of thickness.

What did i think about? Well nothing other than the beautiful black cocks. Usually i am just some other place and am feeling and sensing in a sort of zen state.

As for the massager, i had always wanted one and decided to get the MX size. i really should have done my homework but got it on an impulse. Later i did study up on it and found the smaller size is for the Asian market. Lucky me for getting the right size.

I did buy a ribbon which was light blue which is more my color, but went back to the store and found one in dark blue - so all is well.

I suppose I will run out and get a camera until then sorry about that.

peace love and understanding.